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[24 Aug 2004|09:22pm] |
I LOVE RACHELLE MANNARINO
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[06 Jun 2004|01:32pm] |
Thursday..nothin really happened, went to the mall with dana and jess to get shit for the concert.
This weekend was the shit, friday after school i came home and slept(fuck yeah rachelle AAA)and then i went to kaylas. we went to the mall, met jonny d there and i bought a pair of capris from abercrombie...1/2 price niggaaa! haha then we came home. saturday we stayed up pretty late, once again dident do shit lol..then last night was michaels graduation party, people just kept showin up like the lynches family and everything then matt adam and andy showed up for a while with michelle then left, then the boys came back again..we went for our walks(hahaha) then the boys left and michelle and beth came over and we just chilled..lol kinda borin now that i think of it but ohh wellllll
<33333
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[02 Jun 2004|08:20pm] |
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Salt Shaker |
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I havent written in the longest fucking time lol nothings really been different since my last entry. I still love brie, vince and jacquie are still together(but im over that now) and yeah basically that's it...
Today was wicked fun, we had all normal classes then a shorter C period thank god i cant handle a hour n a half with ms. "who wants to check an answer" chadwick. hahaha anyways, it was upperclassmen day so the cafeteria gave out free pizza and soda for lunch, random shit i know. then from 11:45 to 1:50 was yearbook signings- that shit was dumb so me alyssa skerrett kayla and jess left with dana to go to dunkies. then we brought kayla and alyssa back to alyssas then jess dana and I went to ryans to visit for a little while cuz he was sick, after that dana brought me to alyssas then brought jess home. it was a fun time im not gonna lie to yaa. umm otherwise shits been pretty boring. apparently mosca got wiiicked trashed at prom and was grinding with his girlfriend in the middle of the dance floor and got asked to leave. rumor is he got fired but who really knows, he's supposed to be in school tomorrow. he was actually supposed to be in today but he has the famous "sniffles" and diden't come- asshole, i hope he doesn't come back i cant stand him.
*cant wait till u get the fuck outa my life bitchass...*
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[13 May 2004|08:40pm] |
im pretty sure i'm in love with brianne lee morrison aka brianna banks the porn star. shes so fucking amazing. haha bffl maen i love you darlin
nothins been happenin lately..me and vince are over soo thats kinda a good thing if u think about it. him and jacquie are going back out- WHAT A PUSSY!!!!! umm when brie gets off grounding im having her come into groton and i want all of u boys to be all over her and show her the best sex shes ever had. tomorrow is kim and sarahs sweet 16 birthday party i hope i can make it..im not sure if i have a ride home but i really wanna go because i miss everyone soo much! camps basically gonna blow this year i heard they're cutting the amount of staff in half (HEY THAT RHYMED) and james, and adam harris got rejected:( that made me sooo sad, i loveee uuu boys.
but for all the people who are going to be there this year- lets make it a good one...
SugaCakez39 04: hisey whatszas ipup?
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| Stolen From Kristen Marris |
[08 Apr 2004|06:52pm] |
// series one - describe
-- Your heritage: greek and lebonese
-- The shoes you wore today: idk some L.E.I ones
-- Your hair: brown
-- Your eyes: brown
-- Your weakness: being a bitch
-- Your fears: drowning
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese and bacon
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: tounge pierced
// series two - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: haha
-- Your thoughts first waking up: fuck
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes and smile
-- Your best physical feature: not sure i have one?
-- Your bedtime: between 9 and 11..im cool
-- Your greatest accomplishment: nothing
-- Your most missed memory: my cammmpp biattchesss
// series three - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: mcdonalds...
-- Single or group dates: depends
-- Adidas or nike: adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: ICED COFFEE
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers:)
// series four - do you
-- Smoke: no
--curse: yes
-- Sing well: naahhh
-- Take a shower everyday: yes
-- Have a crush(es): yes
-- who are they: haha riight
-- Do you think you've been in love: no
-- Want to go to college: of course
-- Like high school: more than anything
-- Want to get married: yep
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: occasionally
-- Believe in yourself: yea
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: ehh...next question
-- Think you're a health freak: no
-- Get along with your parents: yea
-- Like thunderstorms: despise them
-- Play an instrument: nah
// series five - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: yep
-- Smoke(d): no
-- Done a drug: no.
-- Have Sex: no
-- Made Out: yep
-- Go on a date: yep
-- Go to the mall?: obviously
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: probably haha
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: sorta
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: yes
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: i dont remember
-- Stolen anything: yeah..a chicken nugget from kayla at lunch
// series six - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: who hasn't?!
-- If so, was it mixed company: yea
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: HAHAHA all the time
-- Been caught "doing something": maybe
-- Been called a tease: yeah
-- Gotten beaten up: me and trish beat the shit out of eachother
-- Shoplifted: no
-- If so, did you get caught: no
// series seven - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: yep
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 4- Stephen,Michael, Cameron, and Madison
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: its wayy too long to type
-- How do you want to die: well i dont really have a preferance?
-- Where you want to go to college: Northeastern
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a child psycologist
-- What country would you most like to visit: Greece- next summer baby
// series eight - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? blue
-- Best hair color? brown or blonde
-- Short or long hair?: short
-- Best height: a lot taller than me
-- Best weight: normalweight I guess..?
-- Best articles of clothing: abercrombie or ecko
-- Best first date location: movies or something
-- Best first kiss location: a house
// series nine - number of
-- Number of boys I have kissed in my life: ummm....i'm really gonna count it out- probably like 10, and a zillion times for each- I met 2 of them and kissed them the same day..I KNOW IM A SLUT
-- Number of boys you have made out with: probably like 9 out of those 10
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: 12 or so
-- Number of girls I have kissed: ughh..lets not go there (i know ur dying to know....1..KAYLA)
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: 0
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: i've smoked weed
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: not many, if anyone at all
--number of CDs that I own: who even knows, like 978897234
-- Number of piercings: 6 5 in the ear, one in the bellybutton
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: ehhh idk
-- Number of scars on my body: maybe two?
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: almost everything i do
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[21 Mar 2004|07:54pm] |
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Take My Breath Away-Jessica Simpson |
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this weekend was prettttty eventful, i went to alyssas after school on friday and had brian flynn over for a little while, and then we did the cool thing to do on a friday night and went to see the school play cinderella...we met up with Robert, Sarah-O, Tina, Steve B, Court, Jack Attack, and Leigh and sat with them. then after that i went to Kelleys house with Jack Attack and CW it was a good time i must say. the next morning i went home and had alyssa skerrett over around 5, we just hung around here for the night *hahahaha alyssa* and called a few people and what not. thennnnnn she left around 11:30 today and i went up to the mall with jess, zack, and doyle. that was an adventure....and now im sitting here, doing nothing because my life is wicked coool.
i got a voicemail from dick head potter today....and it was the song "In the Shadows" by Story of the Year.....the lyrics to that song are pretty fucked up so i called him today and was like "Yeahhh...cool voicemail? i like the fact that you send me songs with the lyrics basically saying i hate you and wanna punch you in the face" he's like "what are you talking about i dident even call you today?" i was like "well my cellphones not gonna lie.."
whatever to that kid man...hmmmmmm!!
oh yeah, high-light of the week: my welfare washing machine decided it wanted to break soo being the cool family we are, we're resorting to the laundramat until like wednesday of this week....woohoo!:(
big ups to alyssas friend jen ( __hookup ) who re-did this for meeeee:)
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[09 Mar 2004|02:37pm] |
nothing to do...cheering is over, so it's back to dance till june 19th..hmm. i've got a huge bball game to cheer at tomorrow 6:15 at UMASS AMHERST<---anyone go there? i'm not so sure.
me and bobby don't really talk anymore, i dunno my feelings on that. im kinda releived because i knew it would've ended up as an "alyssa and lambert" friendship/relashonship and we don't want another one of those now do we? lol..im gonna stay with someone in this town and just keep it that way..unleast untill summer comes:) i just don't have much of an interest in him like that...like sure shit went down when i went into dracut, but i think that was like a one time thing(with him at least) and i dont think it's gonna happen again. i have a feeling that jessica still likes him sooo im pretty much done.
cant wait katie*
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| Hello There, The Angel From My Nightmare, The Shadow In The Backround Of The Morgue. |
[04 Mar 2004|12:12pm] |
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The Best Deceptions- D/C |
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So, remember how I was sick yesterday? Yeah well I'm sick again today...I have practice at 4, but I can't get there until 4:45. If I don't go I'll be in a lot of trouble. Our hockey team lost last night! :( We have a pep-rally tomorrow during C period so that will hopefully pump up the cheerleaders and the basketball boys for our game/competition on Saturday and Sunday.
I'm gonna be in so much trouble, my sisters and my cellphone bill was $200 this month and my mom was going to take our phones away until my father talked her out of it. He diden't even want us to have cell phones in the first place, but he's getting the money from my sister and makeing me work it off around the house seeing as I don't have a job and she does. But back to why I'm going to be in trouble...I got an F on my progress report, HOW THAT HAPPENED I COULDEN'T TELL YOU!!!! I HAVE ALL A's ON MY PROGRESS REPORT AND I'VE NEVER GOTTEN BELOW A B- ON A REPORT CARD! It's in Mr.Moscas class--History. People have told me that even if you get a bad grade on ur progress report, on your report card you'll still get a good grade. I really need to step that up though, I'm so dissapointed in myself!:(
I've been so tired lately it's insane, I'm really glad I stayed home today and yesterday, a lot of other people did too, but I really needed these days to unwind and just relax my body. You've got no idea how much advil/tylenol I've taken. My body is like crying because it hurts so much.
Me and Bobby got into a little argument the other day because we had not talked in almost a week, but he hadn't made the effort to call or anything. But he had the nerve to say to Jessica "Yeah, me and Alyssa haven't talked in a while..I don't know why" but we're okay. He called me last night and we talked for like a 1/2 hour because he had to give his sister the phone and he was going to call me back but he was watching a movie and he really spaces out when he watches movies so I told him to call me later. He said he'd call tonight.
Katie I can't wait to find new summer loves....they'll be better than last summers boys, and they'll actually respect us this time!!
"Where are you?
And I am so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stare I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight..."
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[04 Mar 2004|08:41am] |
I MISS KIM!
:)
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| Expect me to apologize for things that you've done wrong... |
[03 Mar 2004|01:39pm] |
nothing new has really happened. my cheering team just took 2nd in our league and we're going to regionals this sunday. im pretty excited about that.
i stayed home from school today, i felt so sick:( I had a bad night last night, i don't know why i was so upset but everything was making me so mad i was ready to kill someone. i have practice today at 2:00 but my mom and my coach won't let me go because im sick, but i really have to go and i know i have to. My coach wanted to give us a day off but the captains dident want to:( I feel bad that i can't go cuz that means my whole stunting group is out for today.
Ugh, i hate school it's so annoying. I can't wait until school ends and summer comes so i can just relax for once.
<333333
I miss Katie! :(
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[24 Feb 2004|04:00pm] |
1. I ___ Alyssa.
2. Alyssa is ____.
3. Alyssa needs _____.
4. I want to ____ Alyssa.
5. Alyssa can ____ my ____.
6. Someday Alyssa will _____.
7. Alyssa reminds me of _____.
8. Without Alyssa _____.
9. Alyssa can be _____.
10. Meeting Alyssa is _____.
11. Worst thing about Alyssa is _____.
12. Best thing about Alyssa is ______.
13. I think Alyssa should _______.
14. I am _____ Alyssa.
Go ahead...fill it out, you know you want to!!!
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| *this seems like fun!* |
[20 Feb 2004|11:11am] |
ive been seeing everyones journals and i think this looks likfe funnnn....soo doo ittt
************************************************************
post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. anything; a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, your opinion about me -- anything. be sure to post anonymously and honestly. then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.
*************************************************************
love youuuu!
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[14 Feb 2004|03:18pm] |
I honestly don't think i've written once in the past month!!!! hahaha. lifes been good, fucking vaca started yesterday! woooohoooo!! i havent heard back from camp but thats because its still too early i guess. umm, cheering competition is on the 29th and im wicked pumped. im going to see my girls from dracut this vacation and i miss all of you guys too, soo let me know if you wanna hang out!!! (katie, mahones, ben, sarah,kim, james etc....)
<33333
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[23 Jan 2004|11:42am] |
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Finals week is done! Thank you godddd!!!!!!!! haha. Lord we had the most tiring practice yesterday, we ran our competition routine over and over and over and over again we were a mess! I can't wait until we get that down and perfect it's gonna be awesome we've got like scorp to scale, front stretch to heel stretch, basket toss and all that i'm wicked excited. we have competition in 2 weeks its an invitational and i need to get my backhandspring before then, i hope i get it!! febuary 28th is our competition for mid-wach! well i have nothin really to say right now so i'll write later
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[18 Jan 2004|12:48pm] |
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no school on friday wooohooo!! i didnt do much friday night..got invited to go to kaylas or to go to johnny colins' with shaina kristen and kali but mom didn't want me going out, so i went to bed at 7:45! who's the cool kid! then saturday night i went to lindsays with alyssa sarah and tricia..we had such a good time hahaha i loved it. then after that i went to sarahs for a little while, dad picked me up, i went up to the mall with jess and mama sue(where i spent $45 on a pair of sweatpants..ehhhh), then came home to jess's, went to sarahs and stayed there. we took the snowmobiles and quads out on the lake and then came inside. it was a fucking hilarious time. then this morning i came home around 10 cause i was just so tired and here i am. i think me and my mom are going out today for a little while, i hope so i want to be productive. i called jenny on friday to make sure she got my message, she said she already mailed my application out..no mail on sundays so i'll have to wait until tomorrow to get it! talk to you all soon!
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[13 Jan 2004|01:11pm] |
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i haven't been up to anything lately except cheering. i was talking to rachel..it seems like the team is ALWAYS together, like we don't even go home it's like one on-going practice. i love those girls....
i just set up my new computer. its a flat screen and everything! haha im so bored and i miss you guys tonnnnsssssssss!!!!!!! seriously i need to see you guys soon!! i hope everyones doing well and i hope to see u all this summer too....
end of januarys comming up!!!! time to applyyyy:)
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| please be okay... |
[01 Jan 2004|10:09pm] |
so many things have consumed my time lately i never find the time to write in here..but its 10:00 on a thursday night and i'm alone so i might as well..lets start with monday
monday i woke up and went to work with my mom and went to briannes, we hung out with kait during the day and then went to johnny phaneufs with bobby and hung out there till like 9:30 then came home.. tuesday we hung out with kait during the day and then she left to go shopping with poopy:) tuesday night brianne and i had to come home and go to my uncles so we went there then wednesday morning went back to bries for the day. wednesday was new years eve so we chilled then got ready to go out. we went to her tutors house so her family could just say hey to everyone then we left to go to ricky hubleys. we hung out there and then later went outside when it was just me brianne marc and ricky. we were sittin by the fire chillen and everything, then went inside to see the ball drop, drink "champagne"(the cheap non-alchoholic stuff haha) and then brianne ricky marc and i went up to rickys room and chilled. everyone left and brie and me stayed at rickys for the night. we woke up at like noon then i left and met my sister at briannes house..came home, hung out, got ready then went out with jen rosa and jess. we were supposed to go out to dinner and a movie but we ended up going to some party in nashua that was the gayest thing ive ever been to so we left and i came home and so did jess. now im sitting here doing nothing talking to jessica and trying to make her feel better... hmm... ill write later i guess
i miss you guys!!!:( theres a game at GD-High if anyone wants to go so i can see you..Friday at 7. I love you alllllllllll<33333
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[11 Dec 2003|07:40pm] |
Soo.... i don't ever get time to update this, but i'm relaxing so i'm gonna do it! KATIE OMGOSH IM VERY VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!:) yay!!!! Soo... we have our jamboree tomorrow, im getting excited:) haha i have nothing else to say. but if you're in leaders i'm sending along some candy and cards for christmas with chase for you all:) and colleen and everyone else you're getting them too, note or IM me with your addresses
Love you!
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[06 Dec 2003|03:44pm] |
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Snake- Big Tigger & R Kelly |
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Okayy... nothing really happened this week..got in a lil fight with jackie but everythings good now. i had a break from cheering on friday thank god..we didn't have practice, but i have to start going to absolute on monday im excited for that. we have to order all our stuff soon, we need shoes and everything.
**FIRST GAME- GROTON DUNSTABLE HIGH AGAINST BROMFIELD DECEMBER 15TH** if any of my poagians wanna come let me know! haha During X-mas break we're all getting together, ill be very mad if we don't!! let me know if you're in!
xoxoxox<3
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[30 Nov 2003|04:51pm] |
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Slow Jamz- Twista |
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Alright, Soo...has anyone ever been in the situation of talking to someone a lot that they have a thing for..like everynight on the phone, online or anything.... that has a girlfriend? Cause I'm going through it right now, and I have no idea what to do about it. There's this kid from Dracut who's got a girlfriend that I've been talking to a lot. I don't think I can keep doing it, I like the kid, and it sounds like he likes me too, but in a few days is his one year with his girlfriend- THATS A BIT OF A STRETCH FOR ME.
Off that subject, lately, being annoyed with life is whats been on my mind. Has anyone ever felt that they're so tired of living that they just don't want to anymore? but then you realize if you do something about that, you'll be missing out on so many things. Im not saying this is suicidal, its honestly just the fact that im annoyed. It feels the same way as it would with me getting annoyed with a friend, i just dont talk to them anymore, im getting annoyed with life and i just dont want to live it anymore. nothing good has really happened lately and its just so dumb and pointless...hmm...sorry for complaining all the time but i figure do it here and no one that doesnt wanna hear it has to listen!
lataa
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[29 Nov 2003|08:44pm] |
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stuck- stacy orrico |
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nothings happened lately... i...um i hate my friends, i miss my poag-ians...this sucks im so annoyed with life you cant even imagine. me and katie are talking about everything and anything possible and i really cant handle this. im so confused about life i just cant take it!
Lyss 986: but why, hes an asshole to me, and he treats me like shit, thats why i would do anything to be with him?
katiexisxgod: no you wouldn't! when it comes down to it, you just miss him and want the feeling you had when you were around him back
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[23 Nov 2003|05:18pm] |
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Change Clothes- Jay-Z |
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Nothin special today, slept over tricias last night, we had the fucking time of our lives, something was wrong with us we were saying the dumbest funniest shit and just pissing our pants!!
ME:IM HAVING HEART FAILURE
TRISH: OH YEAH? WHY YOU HAVING HEART FAILURE?
haha it was so funny at the time. today her dad came and got us and we went shopping at the natick mall, so yep im obsessed with that mall now! haha, my cellphones dead for the next 2 days cause my charger broke, so they're mailing me a new one on like tuesday. im pissed. me and trish bought new bellybutton rings today, they're pretty... haha alright ill update lata!!
love and miss you all tons!:)
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[21 Nov 2003|05:22pm] |
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In those Jeans- Genuwine |
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Wow, i havn't written in here in the LONGEST time. my computers been so messed up that i just havn't had the time. So i'll just start updating now..hopefully i'll get to it more than i have been recently. I had tryouts for varsity cheerleading this week, i made it!:) Oh and by the way, I'm writing a letter to Colleen(which should be out by tomorrow or sunday) if anyone else whom i havn't seen would like one, note or IM me with your address (Lyss986) I dont remember if i mentioned this before, but Kim sent me some awesome camp pictures, much thanks to that girl! im planning on sending a few pictures out, so if anyone has any they'd like to send..... im more than happy to receive! haha.... everythings going pretty well in life, im really pumped about cheerleading though! lol and i almost forgot, Winter Break- Poag03 reunion..you're all in whether you like it or not! lol ill write later!
looooove ya
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[11 Nov 2003|08:53pm] |
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You got me- Jay-Z and Mariah Carey |
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I can't keep my mind concentrated on ANYTHING since sunday.... here's the deal
Soo I wake up between noon and 12:30 on sunday... come downstairs to check my e-mail and i get one from Justin... it said "Maybe i think we can have something again, what do you think" I was so confused... i emailed him back saying "what dude?" and a text message saying "cute e-mail...who sent it?" because i had noooo beleif that it was him what-so-ever. i checked what time the email was sent at, thinking he could've sent it saturday night if he was drunk or something, but it was sent at 11:20am on sunday..so he must have sent it about an hour or so before i got online. soo im pretty confused, he must not have been drunk, but all you guys know how he gets towards people when he's drunk so who knows. i havn't talked to him about it at all and im kinda curious, i don't know what to do... i think he's really about 2 months late to be saying this but if he's serious who knows what i'll have to say to him!!!
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[05 Nov 2003|06:20pm] |
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I'm done:) Over him..over it, i think i have been for a while just been jealous!!! I've moved on to better boys! hahaha
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[01 Nov 2003|10:58am] |
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For you I will- Monica |
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So i'm feeling better i guess, everyone must think im the weakest person.. all i do is complain in here but i figure that if i complain in here i dont have to say it to one person specifically and they cant get annoyed. i know i complain a lot about everything so if it annoys you, then you dont have to read this.
okay, now on to the real reason for this entry. I absolutely LOVE ben and sammy. last night at trails was probably the best conversation i've had with either of them. about a 20 minute conversation with ben about justin.. we walked through the whole camp just talking about how justins not worth it. it's so much better talking to ben, he makes me feel so much better he was telling me he loves me way too much to see me get hurt like that and everything, and that justins a douche bag. he said he's a decent kid to hang out with and everything, but ben thinks justins not up to my standards. Hm, then i talked to sammy... i love her! im so so so happy i got to see her, i missed her and gina terribly. she makes me feel so much better, she sent him a few messages on his phone saying "alyssa doesnt give a shit...WORD" and "Clermonts a chump..word" hahahaha i died i thought it was so funny. i guess him and his girlfriend are on a break now, i was talking to him when i was in school. hm, yeah, a break after a WHOPPING WEEK RELASHONSHIP? sweet hahaha soo funny. I promised ben i wouldn't talk to justin anymore.. i just, well, i felt like i dissapointed them when i talked to him today, and i know that i shouldn't talk to him, but idk.. they just make me so happy about life, and i mean sooo happy! I guess justin got my away message that was up the other night, i honestly had no intention for him to see it because he wasn't even online when i put it up but it was something along the lines of "soo weak, i cant take life anymore, JUSTIN CLERMONT I FUCKING HATE YOU!" and i forgot to shut my AIM off before i went to bed because i fell asleep so i check my messages that morning and it said "so what's this about you hating me?" i felt awful, i apologized that day in school.
me: im so sorry i dont hate you at all its just i get caught up in the past a lot
him: why wats da matta?
me: i just wish i could have what you have and move on like you did
him: i dont have anyone anymore
me: you broke up?
him: we takin a break
me:oh that blows good luck with all that
him: hows ur love life goin
me: eh nothins really goin on right now.
that was our conversation texting eachother. i felt dissapointed inmyself for talking to him but im that type of person, i know i dont hate him and he knows i dont hate him but i felt bad i needed to apologize.
so by the way there was a guy that came to trials last night and he looked like Enrique Iglesias... EXACTLY like him it was so funny! hahaha
so this one's for ben and sammy. thanks guys
"If there is a mountain to move.. I will move that mountain for you"
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[30 Oct 2003|08:41pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Selfish- Nsync |
] |
so basically i dont understand life at all. at home, i can cry and cry and cry but i can't shed a single tear at school, and i personally like it that way i HATE crying in school i hate all that attention its out of pity and everyone just wants to know facts. i cant stand people sometimes, yeah anyways..so larry IMed me ands being all nice to me asking what he can do to make me feel better, it's a little weird. i think im going to trails tomorrow,thats the closest out of the places ive been invited to,and im going to a party then staying at meaghans with lauryn on saturday. Okay so tricia i think is going to go out with justin alonzo.. and soo, that'll be all my good friends who have someone who want them- Jess & Zack, Kayla and Adam(god damn..hm) Tricia and Justin A, Brie and Johnny, Alicia and Brendon, Rachelle & Stevie, this blows wicked bad.. I must be a wicked psycho bitch if all my friends have someone and I don't...hm probably. Life just bloooooows basically. and if i ever read Justin Clermonts profile with the name of NICOLE in there im going to scream! I'm planning on asking katie to tell me when I can look, I never ever wanna see it again.
I don't think anyone really understands what i'm dealing with right now, im so fucking WEAK! why am i purposely putting myself thru this shit, and then I cry about it like i dont expect it to happen. whatever dude, oh yeah so basically my friends suck at life...completely (and im only talking about school friends..my massapoag people know their my favorites), the only ones who've been there for me through everything are Alicia n Jess. I havnt had anyone else to go to lately, whatever. I mean everyones got someone and the only person right now that can give me what i need is taken by NICOLE. Hm, question for you Colleen, you said when I fully got over Justin there would be a man waiting for me, If it takes too long to get over Justin is this other guy going to dissapear? because im trying my hardest but everyone knows that its not possible..especially not for me! I just can't handle this anymore.. hm!
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[30 Oct 2003|02:22pm] |
GIRLFRIEND HUH??!?!?!?!??!?! flaming homosexual justin i hate you.:(
and thanks james, ill show up if i can!=P
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[29 Oct 2003|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Not gon Cry- Mary J Blige |
] |
So basically.. ADAMS GAY! Why would he do this? first he says he "hates" kayla and that he likes me, he starts liking her again and supposedly they are going to get "together" not going out but "together" okay sweet... and i get all the assholes becauseee? because my lifes awesome right!? everyone else gets all the nice boyfriends and i get the ones who like me and my friends! god damnit.. i thought maybe highschool would be better and i wouldn't have to deal with anything, i thought justin would be the worst of them, but im just getting to the point now where i doubt that's gonna be the case. he makes me so fucking mad, and everythings all messed up, once again KAYLA gets the guy and i dont. its like this on going cycle and its probably going to happen for the rest of my life. my groton friends are awesome.. stupid mother fuckers. hah anyways so yup everything pretty much blows right now but im pretty much over it! i dont give a fuck about anything right now let god throw whatever he has at me, im gonna take it with my head up and a god damn smile on my face...just put all the bullshit aside and stay strong, thats what i gotta do. okay so anyone not have plans for halloween? im obvioulsy not going out trick or treating but i'd like to chill with someone and not go to trails, but if worst comes to worst ill go and hang out with my favorites!:) So okay, beleive it or not, Mahoney knows Bobby Lambert, so apparently Mahoney brings the subject of me up.. goes "Do you know alyssa shadan?" Bobby goes "No..i dont think so..oh wait yeah, aw man, fuck that bitch!" sweet bobby ur awesome i fucking hate you. ANYWAYSSSS moving off the asshole subject, i skipped dance again last night..second week in a row im so mad at myself i really need to stay on top of this but whatever!!!! Tryouts for cheerleading are the middle of november.. im pretty much fucked, dance from 530-830 on tuesdays, 3:30 to 8:30 on mondays, cheerleading basketball games are on tuesdays at 7, and practices are probably gonna be on every day of the week besides fridays and tuesdays(game days) so im fucked! who knows im not gonna make the team anyways but whateverrrrrrrrr..leave it biatchez
<3
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[26 Oct 2003|05:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Only God Knows Why- Kid Rock |
] |
So yeah, I had yet another anxiety attack a few minutes ago, I'm trying to take it slow for the rest of the night..I just talked to Tricia, and I explained to her what Katie and I did last night...We sat on the docks just remembering everything,marking our spots, and just looking at the water talking.. and I felt so much better after that. Tricia's response to it was.."HAHAHA losers" Everytime I try and tell her something, I get an answer like that. I hate my friends, every single one. I don't have any friendships that I value because it seems I care more about my friends than they care of me. I want life to pass me by, I want to get on with everything. Right now I hate everyone and everything around me because I feel as if everyone and everything around me hates me.. I have no one I can run to.. I don't know ONE person who hasn't done me wrong, talked shit, or anything...I just.. I hate everything and I dont understand why, why everyone has to be so cruel. Tricia basically hates me, that I can learn to live with because she hasn't done much for me (at least nothing positive) Kayla's mad at me because she thinks I'm all over Adam all the time but the last time I even talked to him was Friday, so she's pretty much starting to hate me... all upperclassmen want me dead.. it's this on-going thing that I can't escape. I wish I could go back to when I was born, and change everything Nothing's alright, everything sucks, and I feel like shit about everything all the time. I've had 3 anxiety attacks in the past 3 days, and I feel like everyone looks at me deep with hatred in their eyes, I look around at everyone else and everyone seems so perfect, so content, and so loved, then there's myself..whom which I don't know what to do with...Maybe I'm just not made for this world. I don't know.
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[26 Oct 2003|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fallin-Alicia Keys |
] |
Trails last night, it was the last night i'm going. this fridays the dance i think im gunna go but idkk. so yup my sister is retarded we've been fighting all day i cant stand her and reading this shit its soo annoying! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im not making any sence but w/e
<3
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[21 Oct 2003|02:18pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Are you happy now?-Michelle Branch |
] |
I had a really good day at school today. I was a little pissed off during English in the morning but I got over that fast. So yeah, I've moved on to someone new to like, Adam:) I don't want to like him though, Kayla likes him..and apparently Tricia does too, so yup this kinda blows because what am I supposed to do? Kayla did like him first so I cant do anything about it. I'm pretty pissed but whatever, she decided to fuck me over when I liked stephen but i dont think im gonna go down that low and do that to her.
Anywayssss, so yeah apparently my sister's been reading my livejournal, i dont think i like that too much. I think i'm going to make mine "friends-only" but i dont know.
Megan came to visit yesterday at dance!!!!!!!:) For all you who may not know who Megan is, she's our star dancer from last year, she graduated last year, her graduation was the same day as our recital, and do you know what she did? She came to the RECITAL instead. Can we say devoted? I admire her for that. Thanks meg! I have(had) dance tonight, but it was cancelled because I guess Paula's feeling really sick! Hm Feel better Paula!
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[19 Oct 2003|11:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
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blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Perfect- Simple Plan |
] |
Trails last night was probably the busiest I've ever seen it. Groton Rec came with 91 kids so we had to wait about 2-2 1/2 hours for a break. Tour after tour after tour. Hm, everything eventually died down. I talked to Kate and Lauren about going to NDA.. im about 80% sure I want to go, I dunno. I talked to Lindsay about it as well..hm, I'm really confused about everything. If the people in my school didnt hate me as much as they do, i wouldn't leave, but i think im going to.
i cant help myself babe cuz i think about you constantly...
<33
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
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| you will always be a part of me... |
[18 Oct 2003|11:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
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thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Always be my baby- Mariah Carey |
] |
trails last night.. it was a good time, some girls from my school came to work. kate and lauren were there... man i love those girls. james ran into a tree, wow.. i thought i was the only one who did that. haha i love you james<333.
now for more serious shit.
i talked to justin a few nights ago. i'm over him, and this isn't a *denial* type of i'm over him when i'm really not it's an "ive grown from this experience and i know that i can't keep doing this to myself" type of i'm over him. While we were talking he told me that he thinks of me as a little sister and he's here for me through anything and everything. so many people told me to forget about this kid, but guys i cant. we've been thru too much and now for him to tell me that he cares about me this much, how could i do that? im so glad we're just friends now... i dont think i could emotionally handle anything else. i need someone like him around, i've got my share of "big sisters" in the world... my own big sister, colleen, justine, and so many more.. and i've also got my little ones to keep me inline.. jessica, brianne, rachelle and taylor. but i need him as a "big brother" too... as retarded as that may seem. soo thanks everyone!!!! <3333
You will always be a part of me
I am part of you indeffinetly.. thank you "big bro!"
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[14 Oct 2003|08:22pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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Rock wit you- Ashanti |
] |
today was a fun day. we went to erics when we got up, we went there last night. me justine kayla tay eric tricia adam dougy ryan and kevin were all chillen last night, then the girls went back to kaylas for the night, had a kickass time, then went back to erics the next day. after erics, we came back to kaylas for a while. me and justine were sitting in the kitchen just the 2 of us talking about everything for like 2 hours. i love that girl! then justine came with me trish and kayla to get our bellybuttons pierced! i think it looks adorable!:) so yeah im basically just sitting here doing nothing..stuffed my fat ass, apparently so did tricia! hahaha faaatttyysssss!! ill write tomorrow after school!
<333
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[12 Oct 2003|11:31am] |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<big<big>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <big><big<big>ALEXXX CAME TO TRAILS!!</big></big></big>
happy 18th birthday alexxx! i was very happy to see you yesterday!!!
ben came to trails today, like sarah i hugged him for hours, he's so lucky to walk out of that with just a scratch on his hand. ben im glad you're alright.
KATIE AND LAUREN CAME LASTNIGHT TOO!!! I WAS SOOO HAPPY TO SEE THEM! WE'RE HAVING A BIG HUGE HUMUNGUS SLEEPOVER NEXT WEEKEND I CANT WAIT! |
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[11 Oct 2003|01:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hot and Wet- 112 |
] |
trails last night. good good times!! a few things were pretty messed up. ben got in an accident too. he's fine, he got really really really lucky though, his car flipped over. only a few bruises and scratches nothing broken or stitched. me caitlin and sarah got a lil emotional about that one. hes comming tonight though, no worries! a lot of people from our school came, i was a tour guide again, and a shit load of the Y day care kids came. caitlin got nailed in the stomach with a pole/stick thing.. that kid hit her! so yeah im going back tonight, then to kaylas tomorrow. i'll write more lata!!
<333
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[09 Oct 2003|06:53pm] |
The "YOU" Side
01. Name: Alyssa Maria Shadan
02. Nicknames: Lyss * Mami * Lyssa * Shady
03. Screen name[s]: Lyss986
04. Age: 14
05. Grade: 9th
06. GPA: ??
07. Sex: Baby girl!
08. Birthday: June 29th
09. Zodiac sign: Cancer
10. Hospital where you were born: Lowell General
11. Location: Groton
12. Height: 5'3
13. Hair Color: Brunette
14. Big Hands or Small Hands: Small
15. Eye color: Brown
16. Siblings: older sister
17. Parents names: Joyce and Charlie
18. Hobbies: dance
The "CRUSH" Side:
19. Crush: not too sure
20. Girlfriend/Boyfriend: nope
21. If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be?: Im gonna have to go with Justin :-/
22. When and who was your 1st crush?: 2nd grade.. BRAD! haha
23. What do you first notice about the opposite sex?: Everything!
24. Your idea of a perfect date: anything they want to do
25. Are you romantic: I try
26. Biggest turn-on: sweet to me
27. Ideal girl/guy: good personality, looks don't matter,
28. Sweetest thing that happened to you today: someone telling me i was beautiful
29. Memory [thing] you miss most: massapoag (people & justin)
30. If you could go back in time, where would you go back to: I wouldn't go back...no need to
31. Thing that you regretted doing after you had done it: I have no regrets
32. Memory you would like to forget: there's a lot
33. What'd you do yesterday?: walked to jess'!
34. Last person you talked to on the phone: camp
35. Last thing you said to him/her: asking about trails
36. Last song you listened to: So last summer- TBS
37. TV show you wish they would re-air again: Camp Onawana haha
38. Occupation: Student
39. Dream Car: Escalade
40. Marriage: whooo knows
41. Kids: 5 or 2
42. Future son's name: Steven Michael (Hahaha!!) that or my husbands name
43. Future daughter's name: Michaela
44. Honeymoon: Greece
45. Where will you live?: wherever
46. What are you doing tomorrow?: work
.PAST.
[ + ]first grade teacher's name: Mrs. Carson
[ + ]last word you said: what the fuck?
[ + ]last song you sang: Hillary Duff- So yesterday
[ + ]last thing you laughed at: Jess being a retard
[ + ]last time you cried: like a week ago
.PRESENT.
[ + ]what's in your cd player: Chevelle
[ + ]what color socks are you wearing: white
[ + ]what's under your bed: my trundle bed
[ + ]what time did you wake up today: 5:55
.FUTURE.
[ + ]what is your career going to be: Lawyer
[ + ]where are you going to live: Groton
[ + ]how many kids do you want: 2-5
[ + ]what kind of car will you drive: Escalade
.CURRENT.
[ + ]current hair: brunette with maaad highlights
[ + ]current clothes: Jeans and Hutch's sweatshirt
[ + ]current annoyance: brad
[ + ]current smell: adidas
[ + ]current longing: seeing justin
[ + ]current desktop picture: the beach at massapoag *Hahaha!*
[ + ]current favorite music artist: Dashboard
[ + ]current book: Harry potter..of course
[ + ]current worry: if my mom will care about my progress report and still let me get my belly button done
[ + ]current hate: too many people
[ + ]story behind your username: daddys nickname for me
[ + ]current favorite article of clothing: my ecko suit...from steven!:)
[ + ]favorite physical feature on a boy: stomach
[ + ]line from the last thing you wrote to someone: "okayy"
[ + ]i am happiest when: I'm with my bestfriends
[ + ]i feel lonely when: i'm not at massapoag
[ + ]favorite authors: mya angelou
[ + ]if you could live anywhere in the world, where: Greece
[ + ]famous person you have met: N.O.R.E
[ + ]do you have any regrets: i dont know
[ + ]sex or love: Love
[ + ]favorite coffee: hazlenut
[ + ]favorite smell: tommy, ralph lauren, mike jordan cologne
[ + ]what makes you mad: too much shit
[ + ]favorite way to waste time: Online sleep & eat
[ + ]what is your best quality: probably nothing
[ + ]are in currently in love/lust: In lust
[ + ]what's the craziest thing you have ever done: not good stuff
[ + ]any bad habits: picking my nose... no im jk, um, being a bitch to people, that's a bad habit
[ + ]do you find it hard to trust people: completely
[ + ]last thing you bought yourself: lunch
[ + ]bath or shower: bathhh!!
[ + ]favorite season: summer
[ + ]favorite color: pink
[ + ]favorite flavor: chocolate
[ + ]favorite time of day: noon-5
[ + ]gold or silver: silver
[ + ]any secret crushes: Yes but we can't say!
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| If you're over me.. I'm already over you |
[09 Oct 2003|02:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
You're so last summer- Taking Back Sunday |
] |
Life's going.. pretty mediocre, not the best but not the worst. i had a good day at school, funny ass times in spanish. KAK!!!!! haha!! school pictures are back, oh mannn!! i'll try and get it on here as soon as i can, maybe jess will scan it for me. um.. so yeah im going to get my nails done tomorrow, there's nothing to really say. cept i really love holly perrin and alicia russo.. i can relate to those girls soo much we've helped eachother so much.
here's somethin i wrote..
I'm trying to be happy because I know you are,
I'm trying to move on
but this love for you goes too far.
I dont think you ever loved me
or you wouldn't have let me go,
but i know i love you and i damn sure let you know.
i cant help but miss you i just sit and cry,
but loving another is impossible
and would only be a lie.
a broken heart's the price you pay
for a love that went away,
it takes a long time for it to return
and that's a really big lesson
that we all have to learn.
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| Cause.All.I.Do.Is.Cry... |
[05 Oct 2003|04:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hope You're Happy- Dashboard Confessional |
] |
Trails was cancelled last night. Thank god I didn't have to miss it!! I wanted to go so bad but I didn't have a ride, the family was here from Greece. So I just got home from Jess's birthday lunch/dinner. It was fun, me her and Zack chilled up in her room after, yay for fun people!! haha. I got her a shit load of stuff from C.V.S. Zack just dropped me off then he's comming back to pick me up to bring me back to babysit with Jess. haha gottaaa love that kid, he's my ride everywhere! anyways, im so confused about life!! someone explain the meaning! honestly.. sometimes, im at an all time high on life, then, there's other times where i get so tired, annoyed, and sick of being alive. Life's so confusing.
*This is where I say I've had enough!
No one should ever feel the way that I feel now..*
Wandering this house like I've never wanted out
and this is about as social as I get now.
And I am throwing away the letters that I'm writing you
'Cause they were never do
I would never do...Never
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| I'm reaching out without a sound...my pride falls to the floor again. |
[04 Oct 2003|11:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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In my head- Twelve Stones |
] |
Inside my mind I search to find a place just to call my own.
Deep inside your eyes i am blinded by the light..
Still I run so far just to find that im alone again.
In my head I hear you calling me...And I can't run
'Cause nothing lasts for me.
Nothing to do, sitting here, waiting for Kate or Lauren to come online so I can see if they want to hang out after Trails tonight. Speaking of that, It was so much fun last night, I saw so many people.. Caitlin Nina Mahoney Ben Sarah Kim Robo Kyle Gearheart Amelia and a few others from my school Kayla got mad at me for ditching her, I know I shouldn't have, but when i get a chance to see all my camp people I take it. Hm... I think she's over it though. Hopefully I can work again tonight, maybe I'll go to Jess' a little later today. The familys comming to visit from Greece, they're in the US for a few months...wooo hoo (god damnit!:-/)
<333
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| freshman retreat! |
[03 Oct 2003|02:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The sharo hint of new tears- dashboard |
] |
today couldn't have gotten better, we went back to massapoag for our retreat... i loved it. i soo needed that, just to be back there. it wasnt the same because no one was there, but im glad i got to experience it one more time. everyone thinks its so weird how im in love with the place, when so many people hate it, but it's now a part of me, theres no way i can let go of everyone there. i think im working trails tonight as a tour guide...*anyone from massapoag, lemme know if you're working or going!* i saw jenny and dave today, jess was there too but thats all the staff i saw. nothing else too exciting happened. we had some good times there today guys!!!<3333
im doing better, i had a talk with kristina on the bus today about..well...life. she's such an amazing girl who always makes me feel so much better.
massapoag- keep in touch i hope to see some of you tonight!!!<33333
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| i know that im in love with christopher chenelle hahhaha!!a |
[02 Oct 2003|03:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
Lyss986: i sell fried dough
Lyss986: bitch
Lyss986: :-)
ChrisChen246: hahaha i hate you
Lyss986: i know:-D
Lyss986: you love my sexy ass
ChrisChen246: oh you greek sexy ass
Lyss986: :-Dpsh..i know
ChrisChen246: you heard pimp like me by d12
Lyss986: i dk
ChrisChen246: its a sick song
Lyss986: iiii know it
ChrisChen246: no you dont
Lyss986: i sell fried dough though!!!
ChrisChen246: ya and your still ugly
ChrisChen246: but you are greek so it almost makes up for it
Lyss986: =-O
Lyss986: i hate you
Lyss986: :-D
ChrisChen246: haha
Lyss986: you are such a dick
Lyss986: yeah ur ugly too
ChrisChen246: yupp
ChrisChen246: but i care
Lyss986: im not ugly
Lyss986: im hott
Lyss986: im sexy
ChrisChen246: yeha iknow
ChrisChen246: you are
Lyss986: :-D
Lyss986: hahah im conceided
ChrisChen246: haha did you see the suit case on my forehead
Lyss986: hahahahhahahahhahahahah what?!?!?!?
ChrisChen246: i have this random like hicky on my forehead and its shped like a suitcase and i have no idea where it cam from
Lyss986: ahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha
ChrisChen246: i just appeared in the middle of the day
ChrisChen246: haha it sucsk
ChrisChen246: everyones like what is that on your forehead
Lyss986: its a suitcase shut the fuck up!
Lyss986: u shoulda said that
ChrisChen246: i did
ChrisChen246: haha
Lyss986: mmm ok so who sucks on foreheads? yum?
ChrisChen246: haha i bet it was you
Lyss986: sometimes
ChrisChen246: hah yeha it would be so wierd its right right between my eyeborws
Lyss986: oh no i love you
Lyss986: u just made my day
ChrisChen246: hahaha
ChrisChen246: and we have pictures tomorrow
Lyss986: oh frick
Lyss986: whatcha gunna do
Lyss986: can i have one of ur pictures?
ChrisChen246: im gunna get my pictures taken with a suit case on my head haha nothing i can do
ChrisChen246: haha yeah
Lyss986: hahahhahahhahahahaha
Lyss986: are u on glue?
Lyss986: like honestly
Lyss986: who thinks of a fucking suitcase
ChrisChen246: it really looks just like a suitcase
Lyss986: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
ChrisChen246: its like a rectangle with a handle on top
Lyss986: hahahhahahahahhahah
Lyss986: oh man i think urine is dripping down my lef
Lyss986: **leg
Lyss986: hahahahahha
ChrisChen246: hahaha
Lyss986: i wanna be in ur profile
ChrisChen246: ok what do i say
Lyss986: idk
ChrisChen246: well idk
Auto response from ChrisChen246: Lyss986: you love my sexy ass
ChrisChen246: oh you greek sexy ass
ChrisChen246: haha did you see the suit case on my forehead
ChrisChen246: hahahhaha
Lyss986: i really think im in love with you
Lyss986: you are by far the funniest person ive ever met
just because of that conversation my day has been made
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[01 Oct 2003|03:20pm] |
i've been grounded so i havnt written lately...school...well school's school. i just want a boyfriend like really bad, someone who treats me with respect, nothing like this summer though. i dunno, everythings just pretty messed up right now, im sure i'll find someone soon, i mean..... i hope i will
<3333
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| Could i be any bigger of a fuck up?!! |
[27 Sep 2003|04:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Whats so different- Ginuwine |
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ok fuck all that shit i wrote about loving life. life fucking sucks and i cant stand it. im pissed off at my parents most of all and i dunno i just fucking hate life.
so last night my parents decide to ruin my friday that i was looking forward too all fucking week. they tell me that they dont want me driving with zack and if i wanted to go to the hockey game then they would bring me. riiight that's just what i wanna do, show up at a hockey game with my parents..cool. anyways, so then jess and her parents got in a fight and they decided to tell us we had to be home by 10:00..which means we wouldn't be able to make the 9:45 game. god damnit. soo i disobey my parents (obviously) and go out with zack. my mom called my cell like 978362771927827319 times and i ignored all the calls. she called jess' house and i got busted because obviously jess' mom told my mom we were out with zack. so her mum told me to call my parents, i did, and they told me i was grounded. WHAT THE FUCK! i cant stand it im so pissed off at them and i really wanted to fucking go to the game. bobby texted me and told me that caitlin was going to the game(like i give a shit anyways, im not going to a GROTON-DUNSTABLE vs. DRACUT hockey game to see him im goin for brad and bobby and tay and everyone else.... soo then i sent him a message back i was like im not dealing with the drama im not going to the game and then i flipped out on him he's like "attitude" i was like fuck off dude. so now he's pissed at me great life's just awesome!!!!!!!! and to top it off i still want justin! god fucking damnit!
fuck everything
katie keep ur head up i love you!
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[25 Sep 2003|07:13pm] |
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Realist Niggas- 50cent, B.I.G, Eminem |
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ahh... right now im in love with life. as rachelle's doing, im taking life slow and i love it. much love to that girl too. miss you babe! thanks to everyone else that helped me out thru everything!
so today i went to school till about 8:30, dad came and picked me up, then i went to the ortho for an appointment. im getting braces back on my bottom teeth(*mixed feelings on that one*) i'm not happy with my bottom teeth so i want them straight. i figure, im most likely gonna be alive for a while, 6-9 months out of my life wont be that bad to fix my teeth. hm, anyways, school was pretty good today. i had to babysit after school, i saw larry and johnny collins when i was waiting at the bus-stop for my neighbor that i had to babysit, that was pretty much the highlight of my after-noon. i saw tom celona but i dont think he saw me. Soo im pretty much just sitting here waiting for my laundry to be done. tomorrow im goin to jess' house off the bus then to dance with her, then to the hockey game against dracut with her and zack. i love zack he's such a sweetheart, i obviously dont like him anymore than a friend, i just wanna get really close with him and have us have a brother-sister relashonship, i have a feeling its going to turn out like that.... cause he never lets me be bored, hes always asking me if i want anything, or if im okay. he's so good to jess, thats mostly why i love him. she needs that, she's gone through a lot with her dads heart attack and everything and all the drama with friendships that she needs someone besides me tricia sarah and megan to treat her good. im so happy for you jess<333. Im friends with alicia again, if i said anything too horrible about her in another entry i take it back. no matter what i say i love that girl and shes always going to be one of my good friends.
i'll write more tomorrow
<3333
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[22 Sep 2003|09:13pm] |
i dont have much time to write this entry because my fathers gayy and's making me get off in like 7 mins.. soo yeah i didn't do much today, school, came home, went to dance, absolutely nothing. I'm starting to get really sick of my dads gay ass rules...ahhhh!! i dunno what to do with myself anymore im getting sick of life too. god fucking damnit whatever, lifes wayy too retarded.
<33333
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| Thank you. You made my mind up for me when you started to ignore me. |
[20 Sep 2003|05:38pm] |
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So Yesterday- Hillary Duff |
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Dance last night... completely sucked. Sarah you weren't missing a thing. Lindsay and Alyssa Sk. got kicked out for being drunk, hm..gunna keep my mouth shut about that one. I got back from Sarahs at like 10 this morning, we woke up early because her new puppy was barking this morning...oh my god it's so fucking cute.
I'm supposed to go to Jess' tonight and maybe then out with her and Zack later "I DONT KNOW...I DONT KNOW IF WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH TIME!"<--hahahaha Jess....Old School, worlds greatest fucking movie.
So last night I was thinking before I went to bed...I'm doing better with the whole Justin thing, I dont remember thinking about him at all today or yesterday, I'm pretty proud of myself. I know before I said I was over him, I know im not completely 100% over him now, but I'm getting there a shit load faster than I thought I would. I dunno, boys suck.
Got in a huuuuge ass fight wit alicia from dracut today, im not really sure why though, I think it has something to do with her thinkin I like Bobby and because Brie likes him she got pissed at me. First off, Bobby lives a 1/2 hour away from me, 2nd, he has a girlfriend, and 3rd, Bries my bestfriend WHY WOULD I EVER DO THAT TO HER? I dont see why she cant understand that it's pointless for me to like him because nothings going to happen I realized that before I started talking to him so I never started liking him. Who knowssssss I dont even give a fuck about anything anymore, Lifes too short to give a fuck about anything. But i can see where they mighta gotten the impression that i liked him because we were on the phone and everything,but is that my fault? am i talking to myself on the phone? NO, i'm not..im talking to him so if he didnt want anything to do with me than he wouldnt be talking to me...i just thought of that now i shoulda said something to alicia about it but whatever fuck it the girl isn't worth my time if shes going to disrespect me like that and talk down to me when i'm the older one in this situation. I'm gunna be the mature one and not even say anything. I did go down to that level that shes at and talk shit about her in here cause Zach(Bries bro) IMed me and we were talking and he asked me what was going on and why Alicia was saying she hated me and everything. Soooo whatever, YOU ALL WANNA HATE ME? GOOOO FOR IT!!!!!
I'll write later probably tomorrow or monday
<3333
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| I need to come back |
[17 Sep 2003|03:03pm] |
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The Sharp Hint of New Tears- Dashboard |
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The hint of these new tears are sharp
I try to choke them back but its useless...
I'm useless against them.
Life has sucked so bad lately, I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. All my friends are being bitchy to me, upperclassmen want me dead, and I don't know, so many people tell me how much they hate me, how ugly I am and everything. I can handle people thinking I'm ugly, cause hey, no one's perfect but being told i'm so hated is more than enough. I need to come back to camp like i really do. Everyone accepts everyone there. It's my summer hideaway and I dont know why school can't be the same. everyone there loves you for you and every time I look at those camp pictures I get a little teary and I realize how much I miss it, how much I miss being accepted and loved, and how much i miss loving the people around me. I dont think people realize how much I'm in love with this place, it's made me who I am, and taught me so many things. The massapoag people are amazing and I wouldn't trade my memories, good or bad, with any one of you for anything in this entire world. Not even my horrible memories with Justin. They taught me how to act when people do that to me. I can't help but love him because of everything we've been through.
Katie Shanteler- I really don't know what I would do without you Kate. You've been my bestfriend for 3 years always helping me through the summer never backing down and always loving ME for ME. I love you girl, keep your head up about everything, it'll all work out in the end.
Sarah Greaves- Don't know where to start. You are an amazing, beautiful girl and friend never change for anyone but yourself. You've done so much for me and more from the CD *todo lo que* to our latenight IM's about life. Thanks for everything. Say "Hi and I love and miss you all!" to every one in Leaders for me please!
Colleen Hannigan- Colleen you're like my guardian angel. You ALWAYS know what I'm feeling even if I don't and help me realize what it is and how to feel better. All those readings and dream analysis' were right and since then, I've been feeling better. I can't thank you enough.
Spike and Colin- God only knows what this summer would've been without you boys, not as fun as it was i can tell you that. I miss you so much thanks for all the laughs and good times, they'll forever be in my heart.
Lauren Petrillo- My girl, always a step ahead of me no matter what, I appreciate it so much and you've made a huge difference in my life. Live life up Lauren, I love you.
Justin Clermont- Here's the one everyone's been waiting for. No one really knows everything that's happened except us. But I'm forgetting the bad stuff completely. Thanks for being such a great friend and always helping me with what I needed. I'm gonna miss you kid.
Sara Starr- Much love to you girl... It's been rough losing Amber, I know that babe. But I'm forever here for you and you know that NOTHING will change between us. I love you Sara.
To everyone else. Thanks and I love and miss you all terribly.
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